tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post8675638068423534469..comments2023-06-17T06:42:27.316-07:00Comments on snow like thought: Crowd of thoughtsRachel Fentonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-57983839565215715372012-02-07T13:06:00.004-08:002012-02-07T13:06:00.004-08:00No worries, Talli xNo worries, Talli xRachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-65884885906795280882012-02-07T06:52:05.144-08:002012-02-07T06:52:05.144-08:00Headed over to check it out, Rachel!Headed over to check it out, Rachel!Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-84847827494865053672012-01-29T01:21:10.832-08:002012-01-29T01:21:10.832-08:00Hahaha - you get the sheer uncurtained joy of know...Hahaha - you get the sheer uncurtained joy of knowing you made me laugh :)Rachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-54588090789041885512012-01-29T00:17:15.374-08:002012-01-29T00:17:15.374-08:00Wonderful.
Do I get a prize for knowing what voil...Wonderful.<br /><br />Do I get a prize for knowing what voile was?!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-90225929050495777552012-01-23T12:07:41.426-08:002012-01-23T12:07:41.426-08:00Kass, thank you.
I'm so moved by your commen...Kass, thank you. <br /><br />I'm so moved by your comment ("comment" is such a reductive word and doesn't express how much your words have affected me).Rachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-13886461847853469892012-01-23T07:35:32.984-08:002012-01-23T07:35:32.984-08:00I read myself and my life experiences into this st...I read myself and my life experiences into this story completely. It doesn't matter to me if I 'get' it as a time/continuum narrative. I'm swimming with the same uncertainty here as I am in my life.<br /><br />"...a state of perpetual — short term perpetuity — nightmare. If only my memory were as short." - Did you ever see <i>Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind</i>? We jam our memories into categories that accumulate and feed our addictive mind-sponge of top twenty 'hits.'<br /><br />"I should have known better than to analyse you, to look too deeply. Some things simply aren't there, no matter how much we convince ourselves they are." <br />- Thus the need to flail about in the watery depths to escape the gravity of certain situations.<br /><br />"They think I left them but I drowned." - is so profoundly poignant. <br /><br />Telling the white lie of a mosquito where a white tail is threatening the stepchild fascinates me - "It'll work out. Trust me." Lisa is stepchild - an idea that isn't organic, but cultivated with the hope it no longer feels derivative, but an original offspring.<br /><br />A species dependent on that one mass for existence - Oh how we grasp for a mass, a "thing" that anchors us together. If only alphabetizing and poisoning non-compliants would delay the festive apocalypse.<br /><br /><br />I wish I could tell you what to change or add or leave out, but the whole thing was so visual for me, I don't want to see the painting changed.<br /><br />You're my kind of crazy heroic!Kasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05233330248952156754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-90426441601554311352012-01-14T13:13:26.535-08:002012-01-14T13:13:26.535-08:00Thank you, Tim - not too picky at all - very good,...Thank you, Tim - not too picky at all - very good, actually - very useful.<br /><br />Voile - you are the second person who asked what this word means! I think I like that I can spread a new word here though - net/sheer curtain doesn't give the description what it needs (for me) but I'll try on some different words and see if there's a better fit before zi set my decision in stone.<br /><br />The protag is exceedingly detatched, hence the reigning in of spider fear - whereas I have a huge spider phobia in real life and would be hopping about on the balls of my feet if I saw one on my daughter's bed. I think the protag is reliably informed about the risks of infection from white-tail spider bites and knows a good wash prevents a multitude of ails :) Side note: Lisa is not the protagonist's daughter.<br /><br /><br />The basement is the practice area - to get the technique sorted before starting "where it matters". Not to keep out bugs, just to perfect the method as the protag knows she has a limited window of opportunity to "reefify" the living area.<br /><br />I think the first para, (although agreeing with crit suggestions to move it from the opening) is good as it gives a description of a settee in a tank, so I'm toying with moving this and incoorporating it into the para where the protag feeds the fish on the way out to the deck.<br /><br /><br />I think your imagination can create a finer furniture reef than my description ever could but I take this - and all your points - on board and will re-draft until I find the balance.<br /><br />I definitely don't want to alienate readers - I hope there are enough rewards in this story for the reader who is willing to put the effort in to make the connections, and I have to make sure I've done my job by signposting those connections. <br /><br />I think, as with poetry, there isn't much in the way of a wasted word in this story - everything is a clue. It's really a mystery in that sense - hopefully not a jigsaw with a piece missing...<br /><br />Thanks again, Tim!Rachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-41370215892671425142012-01-14T03:59:02.227-08:002012-01-14T03:59:02.227-08:00I enjoyed this very much, Rachel! I don't have...I enjoyed this very much, Rachel! I don't have much to add to some of the comments already made on Fictionaut - especially all the ones saying how good the writing in this story is! - and also the suggestions in particular, that the first little section could be removed.<br /><br />I did think of these four small points:<br /><br />* As I had no idea what sort of fabric "voile" was, I didn't get the full effect until I went to look it up - I may be your only reader who didn't know this, however!<br /><br />* I was surprised by the lack of concern the protagonist shows about Lisa being bitten by a white-tailed spider, given both the pain whitetail bites can cause and the fears people have about whitetail bites causing necrotising fasciitis (though apparently they don't) - is this lack of concern a reflection of her disconnection from Lisa and Chris?<br /><br />* I got the general idea that she was setting up her house as a reef, but I'm confused as to why she tapes up the rest of the house - was that to stop spiders getting in/could it be passed off as such, or was it all part of the 'reefification' of the house (whoah, new word there!)?<br /><br />* I would have liked a bit more of a visual picture of the reef she's creating - the sealing up is described in detail, the making of the reef much less so - or would this give too much away?<br /><br />I hope these points are helpful rather than far too nit-picky,<br /><br />Regards<br />TimTim Joneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14856414700019368658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-69133972442054711112012-01-10T14:36:10.016-08:002012-01-10T14:36:10.016-08:00Andrea, I prefer to keep my fiction to myself unti...Andrea, I prefer to keep my fiction to myself until I submit if for publishing, too, but it's interesting to ssee just how varied responses to it are. I'm spoilt with readers like you! Thank you.Rachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-2561970605134238122012-01-10T13:35:02.554-08:002012-01-10T13:35:02.554-08:00I don't think I'm any good at workshopping...I don't think I'm any good at workshopping, but I really love your writing!Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01931148046937718412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-24953109141974500712012-01-10T12:50:38.223-08:002012-01-10T12:50:38.223-08:00Oh cheers, Thomas!Oh cheers, Thomas!Rachel Fentonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10046917627054462214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3573472801176728225.post-25094636873183332242012-01-10T02:58:52.941-08:002012-01-10T02:58:52.941-08:00Brilliant. I need to digest it some more, but your...Brilliant. I need to digest it some more, but your writing really is brilliant.Thomas Taylorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12987047131104943571noreply@blogger.com